tell me why …

Every night, after dinner, praying namaz, doing some family chit-chat, taking a shower, changing into night clothes, watching TV for a while — has been a routine for as long as I can remember. Now checking mail and FB has been added to the list. Taking a bath before bed time was a strict order from our mother, so it became a kind of second nature.  I didn’t like it when I was little but as time went, I started enjoying this. Makes me feel fresh and alive.

I make sure that I do not have any pink colored night clothes. Pink makes me feel depressed and I do not want any depressing dreams. My favorite is blue. Specially the color of the sky after April showers. Color of the ocean under a winter Sun. Blue of the eyes of a baby or … ahemm … eyes of Elliot Spitzer!  He can kill you with one look, I tell you ! Yes. Blue brings smile on my face.  Yellow is another color that lifts my spirits., and I look good wearing that 🙂

My friends- on the choice of my colors,  think  I am more a man than a woman. They cannot be more wrong when they say that.

Why am I writing all this? well I am doing this as a case study. Why can’t I sleep when every one sleeps. I have tried many times. After taking a bath, drying my hair, relaxing a bit in front of the TV, I would start walking  towards my bed and half way there, I would take a turn,  go straight to my table, pick up the book I am reading currently, a pen and my journal then head for the family room.

Is it force of  habit formed and strengthened over the years ? But my mama used to say I was born with this bad habit. Everybody would be fast asleep and this two year old would be lying in her little bed, awake and talking to herself. First everyone thought it was cute. They would laugh and even tell to who ever came into contact,  that what a dear little child I was. Year four, the night talking stays ..  people are becoming weary.  Year six, everyone is fed – up. ” ma do something”   “ammi she keeps me awake all night”   “AmmaN  “is ka kia krna he?”  Funny thing is during the day I would be rather quiet and docile. Curious but watching mostly. It was at night that according to my siblings I would turn into a monster 🙂

I do not like talking much. Even today I prefer watching and listening rather than talking. And when too many people start talking at the same time, I leave the room.

So, I do not talk and make other people miserable any more but I cannot sleep early either.

Last night I woke up realizing that I had been talking in my sleep.

Oh blimey!! That is not good. Not good at all!!

I feel better after talking about it but I still have no answer to ‘why do I do this?’

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