looking for the one who knows …

I am looking for the one who knows.

I need to consult him to get the answers to some very important questions.

Coming back home from the Islamic center, after the martyrs of Karbala majlis, I was feeling bruised all over.  Like my soul was hunched over with helplessness. In such situations I go quietly somewhere deep inside me and think – not in words but images.

In this year’s Chehlam majlis someone read  something in the end that was just pure grief and nothing else. The prophet’s family released from the prison and having the first ever majlis for their martyrs; visiting their dead, visiting the battle ground, visiting the river Euphrates. Calling their sons, and brothers their fathers and husbands, their children and getting only the swirling sands of the desert sending their wailing in reply.

Half way to our home, my inner conversation ended . My mind had gone numb.  Then slowly a question came out of the fog.

” why, but why Allah? you never once tried to intervene? Didn’t you know what was happening? what was going on? never once, never once you did something to help them.  There was a lot more that I hurled at my creator because I was hurting inside.

I am familiar with this line of thought, and I have grappled with such questions many times before and somewhat, have satisfied myself, with my reasoning but that nauha was absolutely heart rending and like a small child I was throwing a tantrum. I knew that, but I  was not willing to stop it.

” Why is he not letting us go” someone in the car said. I came out of my reverie and looked up with real eyes this time … without any blinders of my thoughts.  A truck , right ahead of us was moving slowly. I leaned to my right to see what was in front of the truck that was not letting it go faster. Nothing, there was nothing  in its way. I looked up again at the truck. This time I saw it.  Right in the middle of its back wall There were some highlighted words:


Whatever was holding the truck back got out of the way and the truck gathered its speed.

I reeled back in my seat.


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