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fourth of july

In the waning light of dusk, the lake looked beautiful. So calm and serene. A family of ducks ever so slowly gliding on the glassy surface and the houses across the lake reflecting like in a mirror. It all looked Picture perfect !

Slowly the night started falling and darkness spread. For the first time I noticed there was no light in those houses. There were a couple at the end of the long row of these that had the light coming out of their windows but the rest were all standing there like shadows of a long forgotten past.

We all were hanging out in the patio, waiting for the first burst and boom of fireworks. But nothing was happening to stir the silent air. Suddenly dada remembered buying some sparklers for the girls to have their own fireworks on July 4th. Between peals of laughter and excitement our seven years old and a soon to be five started having fun. Someone on the other side of the lake saw this and with a flash light started sending light beams across the lake to where we were sitting. No fireworks yet.

My son had told me that because of weak economy the Government has decided not to have fireworks on the 4th of July. But I never thought that this most important holiday would really go down without illuminating the sky and that at every burst of colorful rosettes, the thunderous applause and approval of the onlookers would not be there to further exhilarate your heart.

This not only robbed the man in the street, of simple fun and a firm reminder of being a part of a powerful country he calls home but it also put some fear, some insecurity in his heart. As my son said this was a most damaging idea. When the government starts cutting corners, it sends negative messages.

Some hundred years ago the poet Sa’di said

chunan qahat saali shud andar Damishq
keh yaraan framush kardand ishq

Which means -

the famine hit Damishq (Damascus) so hard and so bad
that the good people even forgot love

But I would not end it on a sad note because as we were getting ready to go inside the house, suddenly there was a crack and a thunder and a cascade of stars of all the colors of a rainbow were falling from the sky.

Later when my beautiful granddaughters were getting ready for bed they had smiles all over their cupid faces.

They were safe in a country they call their home.

yes he can!

Sixteen months ago, my son brought Obama in our home and said, “Ma, pay attention to him. Listen carefully to what he says … he is going to be our next President.”

I was sitting outside of camp Clinton not sure if I really wanted to go in. So I started listening to him … started paying attention to what he was saying. I got hooked.

Tonight history was made. A black man won the Presidential nomination and as my son said, he is going to be our next President.

With a name like Barack, you can never go wrong. He has proven it, and come November, he will do it again.

floats

March 27, 08. It was again that time when I cannot decide what I am feeling and I don’t even try to find out, just submit, if that is what it is.

Submit. Who takes over after that? I don’t try to find out that either. Just curl inside myself and let the thoughts flow. watch them flowing, like they are someone else’s thoughts, not mine. I watch!!

Back porch time!

So I was sitting there, watching the planes fly by… a take-off and soaring in the sky - a sky, sometimes blue, sometimes shimmering gold in the setting sun, or grey and cloudy - then a sudden thrust and a clap of thunder like noise. So I was sitting and watching, thinking the thoughts, nameless thoughts. Do I need peace and quiet, a stress free life? You bet I do. Isn’t that every one’s dream?

Anderson Cooper was not his usual self. We all are sick and tired of this prolonged bickering of the walkers walking the presidential trail. Was that the reason that had changed the color of his eyes? he was not even enjoying Erika’s lively playful reporting. Or was it the news item about the billion dollar rich Wal-Mart suing its employee, who is suffering some mental disease? But Cooper is a media person. He cannot take sides. he can only report, read and tell the news - other people’s stories. Does it mean that other people’s stories do not affect us? what a news reader reads or a reporter reports cannot touch his mind and his heart? Or maybe it was just me looking through the blue glass window.

How can I say that - that other people’s stories don’t touch a person’s heart and soul? Everybody saw that couple - an elderly husband sitting beside his mentally ‘dead’ wife! But - I trust humanity and I trust that there is some one out there who would come forward and help them

March 29, 08. Stories of war in Iraq are making me weepy eye again.

I came across this very true saying on the internet: “War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it.” — Desiderius Erasmus, humanist and theologian (1466- 1536).

April 2, 08. Sometimes back a young person from Pakistan sent me an email. He wrote ” hope is my best friend. We hold hands and spend hours strolling down the hills and vales. Sometimes when I am low, she ties the bells around her ankles and sings and dances, sings and dances for me till I see the horizon turn rosy again… ”

I hope his horizon is rozy and bright.

April 4, 08. Another find: “Let the beauty we love be what we do” —Rumi

April 7, 08. So I was not wrong when I said that something seems wrong with Cooper. He has developed some skin problem. Good news is, it is treatable.

April 8, 08. I have been requested to write an editorial for an Urdu magazine. I write short stories. This would be a new experience and I don’t mind trying my hand at it.

Sometimes back I was requested to translate a Commencement Speech from English to Urdu which I did and that has already been published in a magazine. This was a speech by a well known Cardiologist in Ohio who was invited to address the new crop of Graduates of a Medical College there. His friends and buddies from Pakistan wanted Urdu reading population to read his excellent address. One of them approached me with the request and since I had some experience in this field, I agreed to do it.

It helps to keep the mind in working order.

respect and hope

The other day someone on some talk show, or maybe it was some news analyst, said that “Clinton was using Machiavellian tactic”.

That makes her cunning and deceitful. I didn’t say that - it’s The Oxford Dictionary that says what this term means. But if one person notices and points out her Machiavellian traits then surely there are plenty more who would agree with him.

Obama on the other hand delivers a message that reinforces love, respect and hope. Love for the country, Respect for its citizen and Hope for the future. He wants to bring change and change promises all of the above. He is not “stooping low” to achieve his goals. He is not using Machiavellian tactics. He promised respect and dignity and he is holding on to his promise. Did any one hear him shouting “shame on you Hillary”? There were plenty of occasions when he could have said that but he didn’t. Prefers to stay away from such cheap shots. In my opinion she is trying her best to make him retaliate, to shoot back, to say something nasty in the same vein to give her a reason to target his promise of change, his talks of running a positive Presidential campaign. They keep trying to bait him, wishing him to trip and fall by offering him to team up, to run on the same ticket as her VP. At one moment planting doubts about his patriotism, his middle name and the next offering him an olive branch - VP-ship! Obama actually replied to this very ’smart’ idea - a number 2 person is offering the number 2 position to the number 1 person!

And who will benefit from this offer, if I may ask? Oh please, its not even funny!!

And now about his middle name Hussein. The man himself says he is a Christian. Why not believe him? His father may have been a Muslim at one point, but every one knows that later in life he had become an atheist. And there is something that no one seems to know, that in Southeast Asia, there are Jews and Christians who have Muslim names. Go to India or even Pakistan, and you will find Hindus and Sikhs carrying Muslim names. Even if Obama’s father was not a Muslim, there still was a possibility of him being given a Muslim name - the father was born in Africa after all. So please don’t make a big deal of it. Its just a name, like any other name. Just honor the man and value his spirit. He is writing a new chapter in our history books.

gem of the day

As long as you try your best to do the right thing, it really does not matter what God you believe in. Allah, Eshwar, Bhagwan, God - are only the different names for the Creator of all things, big or small.

favorite quote of the day

“Think about it,” Shriver told the crowd. “If Barack Obama were a state, he’d be California. Diverse. Open. Smart. Bucks tradition. Inspiring. Dreamer. Leader “

Maria Shriver,
Wife of the Governor of California

favorite son of the soil

A few days back washingtonpost.com writes:

“…… escalation of a bitter fight between the two Democratic front-runners that has taken on a new dimension because of the involvement of Bill Clinton, the titular leader of the party. While his wife campaigns elsewhere, the former president has been making daily appearances in South Carolina in anticipation of the state’s Democratic primary on Saturday, and he has adopted the role of attacking his wife’s opponent the way a vice presidential candidate traditionally does in a general election……”

Well tonight was that Saturday and we witnessed Obama coming out victorious. A very confident, every bit Presidential looking Obama, standing on the podium, delivering a victory speech… and I finally told myself that yes this is the one. What I mean is that I was not sure who I was going to give my vote to but tonight after listening to him, watching him, it finally felt like coming home.

It started way back when all of a sudden he was all over the news. New favorite son of the soil. African American? hmmm good.

Democrat ? hmmm even better.

Around forty. Golly! thats too good.

A young person in the White House? We need that. No more old rotten politics! Fresh blood, Fresh ideas; the White House will get a new, dazzling and real coat of white paint. Good, Good.

That was our Obama. The new Rising Star on the American political horizon. We started paying attention. Whenever his name was mentioned all other sounds would subdue. We saw his face on the TV screen and we were all ears.

“What? what did he say? Hush you all, let me listen what he is saying.”

We saw his mugshot in any newspaper, and we had to read to see what the writer was giving us to read.
Then there were Debates … Cooper style… a whole new vista! Fresh blood, new ideas, and the change you could feel, humming in the air! If there was some anxiety throbbing behind the cool facade maintained by the candidates, it was not visible. They all looked beautiful with not a single hair out of place.

Coming back to Obama, during those debates, I was not sure what I was looking for that would help me make up my mind.

Barack Obama is civil, he is polite. He looks honest and sincere in his actions. I have not seen him put on a show with his family for the world to see. A lingering kiss here a suggestive hug there. So then what was holding me back since I had no other Presidential candidate in my mind?

It was Bill, Bill Clinton. I was ready to vote for him if he ran again for the President’s post. Every time I thought about electing a new President, I would think about Bill Clinton. But now? not anymore. He is not on the pedestal anymore. I do not even feel sorry for that. He himself lost it.

Permitted that all is fair in love and war.

But we are conservative people. We value respect not only in our own eyes for ourselves, but we look for the same thing in others too. We look for decency in one’s actions, in behavior. What puts us off is seeing two grown up people behaving like spoiled kids from rich families out on a mission to get what they want - by hook or by crook. The way they handled their defeat last night will turn even the most faithful away from them. They just ran away to the next state not even congratulating the winner properly.

I am so ashamed of what my favorite person is doing these days. I again ask why is Pres. Clinton doing that? Why is he deriding Obama? I cringe when I look at his face distorted with some inner frenzy to soil Obama’s name.

Sometimes I think about the vulnerabilities we deal with every day. The weaknesses we try to hide and temptations we sometimes succumb to. We remember the troubled times in their life. It was most unbecoming of a person sitting in such high office but, we err, we succumb to the temptation and then it happens, what happened. So. keeping that in mind, can we say its an opportunity for redemption? Or, payback time? I supported you through THAT upheaval now dear husband its your time to make sure I get what I am aiming for. Is that it?

But the most important question is - do they care about their party? Because in their frenzy to win the White House, what they are doing is very damaging to their own party.

investment

…. so he said, ‘would you like me to drop you at home or you would rather wait here in the car while I go in the store and make a few photo copies of these documents?

‘I am coming with you.’ she said May be, I will look around a little. I love looking at beautiful things. Who knows, I might find something interesting’.

He laughed. ‘ you talk like you have a money bag! but sure, you can come with me.’

‘No, better drop me at home.Too bad, I don’t have a money bag. And on a bright and beautiful, sunny afternoon like this, I am not letting anything make me feel deprived.’

But by the time she finished, they had already passed their subdivision. So he drove on to where he could make his copies. He parked the car in front of the store. Just then she noticed the lotto sign in the store window. She was about to ask him to buy her a scratch game ticket that Another thought raced through her mind…getting three tickets has a better chance of winning something .. but three dollars is a lot of money and I would rather not think about spending on a chance game. She was still thinking and he had already disappeared behind the glass door. She smiled at whoever had made up her mind for her and saved her a few bucks. She closed her eyes and leaned back on the car seat.

She had almost dozed off when he came back grinning from ear to ear. Why what happened? she asked. You would not believe what happened. he reached back to put his folder on the back seat.

I hadn’t the exact change on me so I gave the tenner I had and since I was feeling lucky, I told him to give me a scratch game ticket too. I scratched and it revealed 10 dollars. So, I bought 3 scratch game tickets for you because this is how you play. The rest I put in my pocket. He winked. It sure is a bright sunny day !!

She smiled back. How do you do that?
He arched his eyebrows and raised his shoulders.

Now go on, he said. show me what you are hiding in there.
She started scratching and one by one revealed 3 Qs.
What do you get when you get three Qs? . she handed him the ticket and started on second one.

Hey here is your money bag kid, you have won 25 dollars? he laughed again and started the car.

The other two tickets didn’t have anything.

She looked at him. What a lovely day. I am happy .. and life is beautiful. She touched his hand

I know you want me to drive back to that gift store. come on say it, he laughed.
no, oh no. I am going to invest this God send.
oh ok, and what kind of plan are we talking about? he was still laughing.
Simple. For the next one week I will buy three scratch game tickets each day. I feel lucky already !

an entertaining book, part II

From City of Djinns By William Dalrymple

“Norah was dead, but that month as I explored the area around the residency, I found many other characters who seemed, like her to be bits of flotsam left over from the Delhi of William Fraser.

A little to the south of the residency, the British arsenal was blown up in the mutiny. Beside that, tucked away off the main road, lay the original British cemetery. I had expected the graveyard to be as dirty and neglected as the Residency, but was surprised to find it spotlessly clean. It did not take long to work out why. The graveyard became a rather smart housing estate. The marble grave slabs were kept scrubbed till they shone; the Palladium chamber tombs had been restored and rebuilt. Washing was hung up between obelisks and television aerials were attached to higher crosses. Many of the pavement-wallahs and jhuggi -dwellers in Delhi complain of police protection rackets so I asked one of the men in the graveyard whether they had any trouble.

Good heavens, no,’ he replied in a clipped Anglo-Indian accent. ‘They can’t harm us. we’re all Christians here.’

I am sorry,’ I said, seeing that I had caused offence. ‘It is our churchyard’. continued the man, straightening his tie. ‘The Andrew family has been here for three generations. These Hindus don’t like Christian monuments so we are guarding it. You will have tea? Tea was brought and we settled on the grave of a British auditor- general. A plate of Indian sweets and a wedding album was brought out from beneath a slab. ‘Since I retired from the railways in 1985 I have turned my hand to a little gardening’ continued Mr. Andrews. ‘Now we try to grow most of our own vegetables here. And that was my poultry farm.’ he pointed at marble cot at my feet the tomb of a colonel Nixon from a county Tyrone. a makeshift wire mesh had been strung from the corners , but the grave was empty of all chickens.

‘ We’ve eaten all the hens, he explained, seeing my glance. ‘Now I plan to keep my fishes in there.’ ”

does it mean that…

Do I believe in ghosts? Djinns? Parries?

I don’t know. Or maybe I do. I haven’t seen one but sometimes I have felt some kind of presence. Occasionally I have experienced a sudden chill in the room even though the fan was off and the A/C was not running, or suddenly the air stirred and I felt hair rising on the back of my neck. I have seen shadows and turned my back or changed the course.

Occasionally I have fled with fright, feeling some one is pulling me from behind. But thats something that many people have experienced at least once in their life. I remember ghost story sessions on cold, rainy winter nights when bundled up in blankets and quilts, we would tell ghost stories and if things became too terrifying, the listeners would shriek and tell the storyteller to stop and every one calling every one a chicken,
would try to calm their thumping hearts. Or in summer, when the heat of the night would make every one restless and edgy, our Nani ma would say, “stop fighting the heat. You yourself make your bodies hot by being restless. Stay still and quiet. I am going to tell you a story about a princess who was always complaining about being hot. It turned out that it was a Djinn who was in love with her and wanted her to come out in the Garden every night where he would meet her in the form of a prince.” It would be a long story. I don’t know if Nani ma ever finished it because her narration of the palace events would relax the nerves, cool the bodies and soon every one would be fast asleep.

Nani ma’s djinns and Parries (Fairies) were noble and lovable creatures. There was no reason to be scared of them. It was some other relative who would come visiting for a week or two, bringing stories with them. During those times we used to have really scary or sometimes awe inspiring sessions. It was all so entertaining. There was no TV, no Internet and no PC. People had time to relax with the family and to enjoy each other’s company.These after dinner story telling sessions were actually therapeutic. Sitting to-gather, talking, laughing, sharing views, telling stories - it all has a positive effect on our bodies. Times have changed, traditions have died and the art of story telling is lost.

But before I go any further, I would narrate an incident that is so vividly alive in my memory that even today I can see it happening right in front of me … like watching a film.

We were living in Lahore at that time. It was a small two storied house, nothing like the houses we were used to living in. The main door leading to the hallway was actually a double door; an outside, wrought iron door and then a teak wood door - very heavy and strong. They both closed from inside and were kept closed all the time. Every night mother used to go down to double check if they were locked. I will not go into the details of the layout of the house except that all levels had a room and a small veranda but the main living quarters were on the first floor. My mother, my four siblings and myself used to sleep in one room, safely locked in and cut off from the rest of the house. especially from the two flights of stairs. One coming up from the hallway to the first floor and then after a small corridor, going up to the second floor. It was on the left of the room we used to sleep in.

I was eleven years old, and the youngest was a little over two. Our two older brothers didn’t live at home because of their jobs. One was in England getting trained for the company he had gotten a job with, and the other was in some other city but quite far from Lahore.

It was summer, peak of the season, when there are no rains and hot and dry winds blow. Then it peaks with a sudden clap of thunder and a high wind carrying sand and dust. This is called ‘kaali aandhee’ because dust in the atmosphere makes it so dark that one cannot see any thing. After an hour or so the wind lets up and rain takes it place. A terrifying storm lashes out for another hour or two. This is what happened one evening. Mother checked all the locks on all the doors. Stairs going up to the second floor also had a door at the end of the stairs and it could be locked from either sides. All doors checked, she came in, locked the door and we, all six of us, sat down on our mother’s bed to ride out the storm. I don’t know about mother but all of us were scared.

Suddenly we heard a door burst open. Mother pushed us aside and sat up, very still, very quiet and alert, trying to listen to any unfamiliar sound. Nothing. Then there was a slow, rustling sound. Mother went to the door and stood there, listening. Again nothing. She came back looked at our terrified faces and said “I have to check what or who it is” and with a resolute confidence opened the door and looked out. There were some dried up leaves outside the door. She went up the stairs, closed the door again, picked up the leaves that the storm had brought from somewhere and came in and locked the door again. She climbed back on bed and picked up the youngest one in her lap. “Was it a Djinn, mother?” number three asked. “I don’t know and I didn’t see any.” “Do you think djinns are hiding in these dry leaves?” “these dry leaves? ” she said “no, how can they hide in these tiny leaves?” She paused again. ” I am a djinn, if there is any. Now go to sleep. I have to get up early,” and closed her eyes. It was not raining hard anymore and her saying that she was a Djinn if there was any, put back confidence in my eleven year old heart. My four little sisters and brother also relaxed and fell asleep.

That said, I come back to my main story about my relative.

I don’t know who she was but she was a regular at my mami jan’s house. She loved hukka and mami jan made sure that there was enough tobacco in the house and of the finest quality. Everyone knew that a djinn was in love with her. sometimes she would go under his spell and her whole personality would change. Eyebrows arched, eyes closed, face red, teeth bared a high pitched voice and an unnatural laugh that would send a shiver down your spine. That lady had high cheekbones and dimples on both sides of her face. Every body said that she was beautiful when she was young , and I am sure she was.

They said that one day after taking a bath, she went up on the roof to dry her hair in the sun. A djinn was also in the vicinity, enjoying a winter sun. Lo and behold, one look at a beautiful girl with raven black hair framing her dimpled face and he forgot to flap his wings and with a ‘thonk ‘ he dropped out of the blue sky right in front of the girl. When she saw a handsome man suddenly appear out of nowhere, she fled down the stairs, screaming and crying, stumbled and fell down the stairs. She fainted. She was not the same person after that. Poor girl could not get married once the story went around. No mother was willing to risk the life of her son at the hands of a djinn.

I only remember seeing her when she was probably in her sixties. Every one in the family knew how this lady’s Djinn had predicted the future of my nani ma and her two sons - my maternal uncles - chhote mamun and barre mamun.

This is how the story goes. My nani ma was widowed at a very young age, with three young children and the fourth one on the way. (That was my mother, born three months after her father died) I do not remember anyone giving me the details, but she belonged to a rich family and it was not difficult to raise her four kids - son, daughter, son and again a daughter. Sons were given a good education but not the daughters, older daughter did her primary school, with Arabic and Persian and got married at the age of seventeen. The younger one was pulled out of middle school and was started on preparing her trousseau. All four of them were beautiful but this one was an exceptional beauty. At eighteen she was still unmarried. since she was born three months after my Nana Abba’s death, she was considered bad luck and people thought that whoever she married, she would bring bad luck to him. Finally she got married at nineteen - too old according to those times.

I am getting side-tracked. Back to that lady and her Djinn. So one day when she was visiting my nani ma, her djinn also tagged along. Sucking and puffing on her hukka, the djinn lady turned to my nani ma ” Shezade, you have taken good care of your sons. Your older son will have a good and prosperous life. I see some gundas giving him hard time but it would go away. Be happy that he would die a happy old man. your younger son would eat and drink out of gold and silver plates and cups. He would go around the world and have his own court.” the djinn fell silent so did every one around her. She pushed the hukka away. ” What did you feed me for lunch Shehzade, I feel so full. She yawned, laying down on the divan, she asked for a blanket and went to sleep but the story never did.

Her prediction was correct, word by word. My nani ma’s older son joined the army, fought in the second world war. He was captured by Japanese. Was a p.o.w for two years or maybe more. Came back with no limb missing even though the gundas gave him hard time in captivity. His captor, the Japanese corp commander used to slap this six footer, standing on a chair. He retired from the army as major general. Died in his late seventies.

My nani ma’s second son won a Gold Medal in Economics and Statistics from Punjab University. Joined civil service. Became Secretary of Finance in the government of Pakistan. Then he was at the UN working for the economic affairs of some eighteen Islamic countries. I don’t know anything about eating out of silver and gold plates but he attended some banquets thrown for the Dignitaries by the Queen of England. Maybe they served in golden plates and silver glasses…. I do not know. Maybe it was symbolically used because he led a very rich and comfortable life. He traveled a lot. To African countries, European countries and of course the Middle East, and Far east.

Does it mean, there was a djinn after all? Does it mean that there are Djinns and parries and ghosts all around, living in our space or we are living in their space? Is it that Sometimes we collide and become aware of each other or one of us becomes aware of the other’s presence and strange things happen? Like what happened on a cold winter night when I woke up in the middle of the night and heard a strange sound like a huge caravan of people was on the move … migrating to unknown destination. A strange quietness befell. No wind stirring, no night owl hooting. A stillness hanging all around and from that stillness a strange marching sound emerging and expanding. I felt something but what!!?

I wrapped my quilt tightly around me and kept hearing that sound till it suddenly died down. Didn’t fade or sound distant. Just stopped. Suddenly.

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