suspended

Happy is the moment

When we sit together

With two forms, two faces, yet

One soul

You and I

(Rumi)

We have an unannounced guest. He comes and goes whenever he likes. I am using a male gender, though I am not sure if it’s a he or a she but one thing I am certain about is – it’s a pigeon! A beautiful – all white pigeon. One day I saw it sitting on my window-sill, and on this window-sill he reappears again and again. If it is too windy, then he would seek shelter in the corner of a back door where the wall is jutting out a little. I’ll post the picture on my wall.

We have installed a bird feeder and a bath for him. He can enjoy our hospitality for as long as he wishes to.

On my last visit, when he had done his part and had written in my file whatever the doctors write in their patient files, he was ready to go out but I wanted to talk to him about something that was bothering me a whole lot. So I told him I wanted to talk to him in private. Looking at me he told the nurse to leave the room. Then pulled a chair close to me, took my hands in both his hands and waited for me to speak. He listened with his eyes fixed on my face. I told him.

I finished and a smile broke out on his face. ‘You are worried about this? Don’t. This is normal. But if you want I can do something about it. Do you want me to?  I lowered my head and thought for a moment and then looked up at him again. No.  He patted my hands, looked deep into my eyes where there was a prickling sensation testing my hold. He didn’t say anything. Then pushing his chair back, he stood up, holding my shoulders, pulling me also up on my feet. “You are a brave girl” he said solemnly and hugged me – a tender, caring affectionate hug. I felt like a little girl lost.

He went out and the nurse came in.

There is a lot I like about Americans. They are no-nonsense people. Know their worth. Respect themselves, and do not think themselves any less than the guy next in line. They are straight forward and out spoken. I like that. Very much!!

I am a Sagittarius and I share most of these qualities. Check my star – Dec. 2.

I hate double standards and I would bluntly point out the mistake, the wrong doing, Injustice and treating someone badly. Though, being straight forward and blunt lands me in trouble most of the time. But it is not a Sagittarius if not a stickler for truth. We love independence. unnecessary restrictions make me claustrophobic. I am a free spirit that does not hedge around,  likes to say what she wants to say and regret later. That is me. –yes; certainly me. I pity those who when facing trouble, try to pile the blame on others.

I took some time off. Was something bothering me? I guess, yes. It was like some one had stolen my identity. There was this awareness lurking in my mind that something was not right. People just don’t fly off the handle without any reason.

Language mistakes bother me a whole lot too but that has never given me homicidal thoughts or sent me on a lynching spree.

I am cool. No need to fret.  But one suggestion though. Watch ET – the movie and learn compassion, friendship and something more.

Read something that is making me sit up straight. “What would you rather leave when you are gone – an empty inbox or a masterpiece that touches the lives of people you will never meet.”

I am thinking.

N.H.Q from Lahore: “thank you – actually I just wanted to explain that this phase comes in every good writer’s career, when for others he / she becomes above the judgment level. Readers simply enjoy reading their creations.”

Mahir Ali emailed. He was concerned about my disappearance. I am so sorry Mahir Ali. I know I should have told you before the hiatus.

Mehreen emailed ” where are you buddy? my days don’t shine if I don’t see you first thing in the morning”  Oh my! this is a big responsibility Mehreen. Do not burden me. I am fragile 🙂

Thought about Nigel Pearson and his Morning Flight today while listening to Roberta Flack’s “Killing me softly with his words”

Smokey, my Siamese cat and I used to have the house to ourselves before the house boy appeared for the day’s work.  Smokey loved music; sitting across me in a patch of sun, licking his paw or just looking at me with those deep blue eyes. But the moment music stopped, he would sit up and look at the music center twitching his ears. He was funny. Once I requested a song for Smokey. He took that very seriously. Smokey had many songs dedicated to him after that. My family at school and office, I used to feel very lonely. Smokey was my ‘buddy’ who kept me company, trailing behind me where ever I would go in the house. It was hard to decide who needed who more. It was not easy to find a good home for him before coming here. Poor baby! poor me!

Last word:

Shad Azeem Abadi and Abida Parveen – what better combination?

Mein hairat o hasrat ka mara, khamosh kharra hon saahil per

Dariyaey mohabat kehta he aa kuchh bhi nahin paayaab hein hum.

October,5,2012

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