I had a sleepless night again last night.
I have noticed that every other week or sometimes more, I most certainly will spend a night tossing and turning and not finding any comfort; no matter how many times I would pat or plump my pillow, or go check the thermostat for a comfortable temp. , speed check the over head fan … nothing would work in my favor. I have tried facial exercises. They do work but not always. I have tried prayer beads, repeating any of the 99 names of the Divine Being. This also worked but only a few times. A friend recommended to do astaghfar tasbih. I spent almost the whole night doing astaghfar. Nothing …. Sometimes I put my wrists under running cold water and when I start shivering, I go back to my bed again. This works but not always.
My dearest husband once bought a special blanket for me. It had very sedate, prim and proper white sheep printed all over the blue background, probably sitting ‘on’ a clear sky, without any clouds 🙂 “Why not a green background? shouldn’t they be sitting on a grassy land!” I asked. He sighed. “Ah, this is the problem. You are so analytical, hujati – a more suitable word!”
Well, till then I had thought that being analytical was good!
Last night I didn’t do any of the mentioned mantras to make myself fall asleep. I just closed my eyes and let the mind drift. No resenting, no self pity and no envy that husband dearest is snoring the night away while his poor wife is lying awake with a mind alert as a choukidaar’s, who roaming the streets, shouts every now and then … jaagte raho … I wonder if they still do these rounds, now that people have taken law and order in their own hands and feel more safe with guns and ammunition in their homes.
So what was it that made me insomniac. I have no clue. I usually stay awake till the wee hours of the night and let the mind roam around if it so wishes, just letting thoughts, memories drift in and out.
At one point, I remembered how sad I was when the news about Whitney’s death, came. I thought of Nigel and wondered where was he now? and doing what? How did he take this news. He used to host a music hour on the radio. He knew how much I loved Whitney and most mornings he would start his hour, playing one of her songs. ” saving all my love” most of all. But being a bashful British gentleman, he would never repeat any of the verses 🙂
I was smiling, thinking about that when I heard the house making a creaking sound. It usually happens when the house is settling down for the night. I first became aware of these sounds, way back in 1985 when we rented a house in Woking, UK for a month. I got so scared that I ran to my children’s room to see if they were alright, then checked the whole house. I called my brother in Kingston in the morning and mentioned this. He laughed and reassured me.
My husband came here (USA) to ‘look around and I stayed back in that house with our children. That was quite an interesting one month in that house. I got used to those creaking sounds. Anyways this is another story for another time. Back to my insomnia.
I heard a loud bleep and got out of bed to investigate. Looked in the girl’s room. They were sound asleep and everything was fine and quiet. This was my hubby’s new cell phone receiving an email, I found out later.
Finally I got out of bed and sat in the family room, going through my old photo albums when we were a young family and were roaming around the Globe every Summer when children’s schools closed for Summer Break. I laughed a little, reminisced a little then YAWNED!
It was not so bad after all, even though I slept only under four hours. But not to worry, I know I can make up the lost time 🙂
P.S. Well, I want to clear something. I was being mean when I mentioned ‘snoring’. This only happens if he had a stressful day otherwise he sleeps like a ‘nafs i mutmainah’
Sorry, I have no translation for this.