I saw a picture today. two people sitting to-gather on a cliff hang over, sharing a blanket and looking at a vista of the Grand Canyons. The caption was ‘Friends’.
I looked at the picture for a long time. It was an ordinary snapshot and that – keeping the caption in mind, didn’t need to say anymore. No fanfare, no trumpeting, no loud claims. Just a ‘being there’ in a serene setting.
Why some friendships fail and some last for a life time? When, how, who along the way defaults? or carries it through the turbulent waters to a stable footing again? Whatever it is, is never one sided.
There are so many questions that arise when a friendship fails but being able to give 100% is what carries it through thick and thin. This is commitment – commitment to hold , to never judge, to be there, to not to give in to an argument or to some misunderstanding.
Or maybe it was not worth anything – just walking away was all you needed to do. So what if you had invested years and years into it? If it was not meant to be, so it was not. But I think it is not as simple as that. Some heartbreak, some feelings of loss linger and do surface from time to time.
I was talking to a person who had spent some forty years looking for me, and finally had found me through my website. We talked about our lives and high and low tides of it. At one point she said, “listen to this ” and she recited a couplet. The gist was :
“what caused an old friendship to come to an end is not even worth a mention. (be happy) Now at least you know the true worth of that person”
I said” but you know I am a very complex person .. not normal you may say.”
“If she hadn’t figured that out so far then be doubly sure that this break up was bound to happen; if not now then on some later day but it was going to happen anyway”
Maybe she had a point.
Creative minds have a different way of looking at life. Writers are considered to be a little abnormal people. I do not think they are mad, mad people but they certainly are above average Johnnies and sometimes miss-understood … simple as that.
I remember telling a new indirect addition to our family that if at any time she felt I was not being friendly or avoiding her or being uncommunicative, it would be better to ignore me. I would be back after I had dealt with whatever was picking on my mind, but I would be back; back like it never happened. She laughed and said she would not let that happen. I looked at her and thought oh dear she is in for a surprise.
This is something I really have no control over.
Sometimes I do think that its I who is not capable of giving 100% in the sense that a little of me is always held back , a little reserve, a little space kept only for myself – a kind of refuge to sit quietly and contemplate. Is it bad? I don’t know. But one thing I know is that I am always there if needed, even for people I am not close. I am always ready to listen, offer a shoulder to cry on, hand a hankie to dry the tears, help wipe away the hurt. I definitely not like to interfere in other people’s lives, do not want to know anything about other people’s problems. Some times I do wait quietly knowing that they would come if they needed me. Is it bad? No, I don’t think so. I think it means giving them some space to sit with themselves to find a way out.
Just as I like to deal with my problems privately – my way. Does it mean that I am not giving 100% ?
Well, again – I do not think so.